It goes like this:
6 Steps to Getting Everything You Want In Life
- Ask
- Ask again.
- Ask again.
- Ask again.
- Ask again.
- Start over.
Ask. Then ask again. And when they say no, ask again.
Maybe not the same way each time of course…
“Wanna go on a date?” No. “Wanna go on a date?” No. “Wanna go on a date?” No.
If you want to be successful, you’re going to have to change your ask. But you have to keep asking in order to get what you want. “Wanna go on a date?” No.
Next week… “Hey, some friends and I are going to have drinks, want to join us?” No.
A few days later… “I got tickets some extra tickets to XYZ concert, and I’d love for you to join me…”
Your persistence can override their resistance. Just listen to any child who asks Mommy twenty -five times for the new toy. Eventually…they cave.
As a business person, sales person, and honestly just as a human being, your ability to ask, and willingness to hear “no” multiple times will set you apart from everyone else, and help you become enormously successful.
How many jobs have you NOT gotten because you were afraid to even ask? How many gigs DIDN’T come your way because you shied away from the plate? How many dates have you MISSED because you anticipated a big fat “no”?
Honestly, what’s the worse they could say? “NO! Because you’re ugly and stupid and how could you ever think I would say yes?” Well, there’s that, but they probably won’t go that far. And even if they did, how awesome of a story would that be to share with your friends? 🙂
How to get over your fear of hearing the word NO.
If you are legitimately nervous about asking people for things and asserting your preference, try these tips.
- Set a goal for No’s. Rather than avoiding it, strive for it! Each day, set out to hear ONE “no”. That’s right. Not get a yes. But get a no. Make no your goal. Ask for something ridiculous, and just get used to hearing no, and feel the feeling that “no”, after a while, means nothing.
- Play the “No” game. Get a partner. Set a timer for 60 seconds. And then back and forth, you say “no”, they say “no”, you say “no”, they say “no”. And each time, try to make it different. Scream it one time. Whisper it. Exude disgust. Laugh while you say it. What’s the purpose and the goal? Desensitize yourself. “No” means nothing. Hearing it shouldn’t deter you from asking for what you want. So just ask.
- Baby Steps. Remember Bob Wiley from “What About Bob?” Baby steeeeps to 4 o’cloooock…. If you are truly paralyzed by your ability to assert yourself and ask for what you want, first, don’t get discouraged. Asking is a learned trait. Don’t beat yourself up. Second, start small. You’re at Chipotle and you ask for black beans and they give you pinto. You gotta stand up for those black beans! “HEY! I SAID PINTO!” Or, just tell them what you want and ask them to make it again. Remember, you will hear the word no because you are asserting yourself and asking for something that you don’t have. So start asserting yourself even in the little things.
I don’t think this comes easily for a lot of people, by the way, so if this is you, give yourself some grace. I know it didn’t for me. It does now, but only because I have gone through sales training and personal development courses where the whole focus was to learn how to deal with people telling you no. And, it has been invaluable, and has made a huge difference in my professional career, and it spilled over into my personal life. Want to hear a personal story on the power of asking and not caring about the results? Check this out 🙂